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Girl Meets Brother/Transcript

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The following is the transcript for Girl Meets Brother.

Interior. Bleecker Street Subway Station.
Riley: Well, another year we're not going to be cheerleaders.
Maya: Why do you make me do these things? Pom-poms are stupid and pyramids made of humans freak me out. And what are these?
Riley: These are your legs.
Maya: Have you ever seen anything so white?
Riley: One time when I looked into the sun.
Maya: These need to be put away. We have to go to Demolition right now and get clothes. Because you know they're gonna find out we took these things.
Riley: But my curfew's in fifteen minutes.
Maya: But they're having a sale. Vintage t-shirts.
Riley: Ooh, I do love t-shirts that other people have already loved.
Maya: You are the only person I know that has to be home by seven.
Riley: It's ridiculous. They treat me like a baby.
Maya: Who?
Riley: Ma-ma da-da. It's time I was treated like the woman I am. I am going to Demolition!
Maya: That's the spirit! You're not really coming, are you?
Riley: Nah. Wait. You know what? I am. I am old enough to stay out past seven o'clock. What's the damage for this, in your professional opinion?
Maya: Broken curfew? Chump change. Whole thing blows over by Wednesday.
Riley: Worth it! Let's do this!
Maya: Great! See you Wednesday.
Riley & Maya Voice-over: I'm singing go-o-o-o.
Interior. The Matthews' House.
Cory: Come on, Auggie. Just pick a babysitter.
Auggie: Why do you have to go anywhere? Aren't you happy with me?
Topanga: Knock it off. It's our anniversary.
Auggie: All right. I'll give ya three hours. And bring me back an Auggie bag.
Cory: Okay, deal.
Topanga: All right. So how about Shelly from down the street?
Auggie: Smelly Shelly?
Topagna: He's right. How about Anna Stephonopoli?
Auggie: "Wanna play monopoly?" No, Anna, I don't. Okay? I don't.
Riley: [enters the room] I'm late, I'm late, I know I'm late!
Cory: Seven minutes.
Maya: Say nothing. Keep walking.
Riley: No. This is a thing. Deal with your bad girl.
Topanga: Okay, where were you?
Riley: Demolition. It's an alternative store. Where rebels go! And I bought this t-shirt I don't think you'll entirely approve of. Bleh!
Topanga: Edgy.
Cory: Uh, Riley, what's going on?
Riley: I am too old for a seven o'clock curfew. I reject it! Reject it! Reject it! Won't even respect it!
Topanga: Didn't make the team again, huh?
Riley: No!
Cory: Every year.
Topanga: Okay, look, Riley, your father and I gave you a 7:00 curfew because we knew that even when you got all rebellious you'd still be home by 7:30.
Riley: What?
Cory: Yeah. So when you come in here at 7:07 acting all dangerous, it's hard- [laughs] I'm sorry. I can't even keep a straight face.
Topanga: [laughing]
Riley: What are you laughing at? I'm outta control!
Cory: [laughs] Maya, you couldn't keep her out any later than that? I mean, what kind of bad influence are you? You're right.
Maya: I gotta up my game. This'll look great in my room.
Cory: Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!
Theme song.
Riley: I want to be taken seriously. I deserve a later curfew.
Cory: Okay, fine, but I'm your teacher, and I want you to get proper rest. I don't want your schoolwork to suffer.
Topanga: And I'm your attorney, so, please state your case, Ms. Matthews.
Riley: I submit to the court, 10:00.
Topanga: The court laughs in your face.
Riley: The legal system is a joke!
Topanga: Your new curfew is 8:00.
Riley: God bless America!
Auggie: I want a later curfew too.
Cory: Why?
Topanga: Where do you want to go at night?
Auggie: Wherever you go.
Topanga: Mmm!
Auggie: Does that mean I can come to your "nanoversary"?
Cory: Sorry, honey, mommy and daddy haven't been on a date for, like three weeks and four days.
Riley: Guys, guys. It's not just the curfew. I want you to think of me as more of a grown-up.
Auggie: I have an idea.
Riley: Define "grown-up." I can go buy t-shirts whenever I want.
Topanga: And how do you make the money to do that?
Riley: I don't have to. I'm a kid.
Cory: Riley, grown-ups have responsibilities.
Auggie: Idea idea idea! Idea idea idea!
Cory: What's the matter, Auggie? Is no one believing that the little kid could possibly have an idea about how we could raise our older child?
Auggie: Let Riley be my babysitter.
Cory: Holy moly! All hail August Matthews!
Auggie: Yeah!
Cory: King of apartment 26!
Auggie: Whoo! Long live me!
Topanga: Auggie, you think your sister's ready for that kind of responsibility?
Auggie: I would put my life in her hands.
Riley: Aww, Auggie, you really want me to babysit you? Yes.
Auggie: I trust you. Catch me!
Riley: Ten bucks an hour.
Topanga: The king's on the floor.
Riley: Five bucks an hour.
Cory: Hey, Auggie, you really want Riley to be your babysitter?
Auggie: Riley makes me smiley.
Interior. The Matthews' House
Auggie: So, how'd you get mommy to go out with you?
Cory: We're married. She has to.
Auggie: Should I get married someday?
Cory: If you find somebody like mommy.
Auggie: What about Mrs. Ducksberry?
Cory: Your kindergarten teacher?
Auggie: Hubba hubba.
Cory: How's the tie coming along?
Auggie: One bunny ear goes over the other bunny ear.
Cory: How do I look?
Auggie: Like a shoe.
Cory: Great. Mama loves shoes.
Interior. Riley's Bedroom
Topanga: Well, how do I look?
Riley: Wow. You look wow.
Topanga: Wow is good?
Riley: Wow's amazing. When am I gonna look wow?
Topanga: Oh, honey, you already do.
Riley: Yeah, but not with the bam! And the boom! And the you know. Daddy's going to love the way you look.
Topanga: Thank you, honey. But you want to know one of the reasons I married your father?
Riley: Yeah.
Topanga: He loves me no matter how I look.
Interior. The Matthews' House
Auggie: Wow.
Cory: Wow.
Riley: And bam, boom!
Cory: Absolutely. You look stunning. Happy anniversary, Topanga.
Topanga: You too, Cory. What's up with the, uh - Oh, Auggie did it. It's magnificent.
Auggie: No going to my room until I tell you, okay, Riley?
Riley: Deal. Aw, look at you two, all dressed up. Going out for dinner?
Topanga: Ba ba Sushi.
Riley: Ooh, you hipster!
Cory: And then a horse-drawn carriage and a play.
Riley: Ooh, you 80-year-old man.
Topanga: And then jazz night at mudbone.
Riley: Now we're playin'!
Topanga: That's why I married him.
Cory: Yeah, we're sophisticated adults.
Topanga: With a sophisticated babysitter, right?
Riley: The kid's in good hands.
Cory: We're sure he is.
Topanga: We trust you completely.
Cory: Good night.
Riley: Yeah, I don't believe this for a second.
Topanga: I don't blame ya!
Cory: Yeah, let's talk.
Riley: Man, you just can't get out of here without the life lesson thing, can ya?
Cory: Oh, please, like I had something planned. Say hello to your new best friend.
Riley: Hello, egg.
Topanga: You gonna introduce us, Riley?
Riley: Okay, um, mom, this is Amanda McScrambleface.
Topanga: She is lovely.
Cory: Oh, mom, you, too?
Cory: Yeah, I'm with him.
Topanga: Draw a face on her.
Riley: Okay, we're doing the whole "take care of an egg" thing? 'Cause I've seen this.
Topanga: Not the way we're gonna do it.
Cory: Yeah, there's a big twist at the end. So, uh, tell us about your new friend, Riley. What are her hopes, what are her dreams?
Riley: Amanda makes friends very easily. Everybody likes her. She's a good egg. We're going to go backpacking through Europe someday.
Topanga: Wow. Okay, well, before you do, may I hold her?
Riley: Sure. She's a people person. Hi, wiley's mom. You wook wow.
Topanga: Thank you, Amanda. That's very sweet.
Cory: Do it.
Riley: No! What is the point of this horrible lesson?
Cory: This is an egg you knew for a minute. We're giving you responsibility for our child.
Topanga: We all love him. Don't drop him.
Cory: So, clean Amanda up and have a good night!
Topanga: Bye!
Riley: You're my real brother!
Auggie: I can't breathe!
Riley: Okay! I fed ya.
Auggie: Pbj!
Riley: I pajama'd ya.
Auggie: PJ!
Riley: I sent ya to the bathroom.
Auggie: P!
Riley: So, I get to see your room now?
Auggie: It'll 'splode your brain! [intercom buzzes]
Maya: What up, weirdoes?
Riley: Maya!
Auggie: Maya?
Riley: Every babysitter needs a babysitter's best friend. Come on up!
Auggie: She shouldn't be here on our night.
Riley: Why can't it be our night with Maya?
Auggie: I haven't showed you my room.
Maya: "Red planet diaries!"
Riley: Ooh! Tonight's the season finale!
Women on TV: Out here in space I kiss your green face
But it feels like you're light years away.
Narrator: Previously, on "red planet diaries"
Female Voice: Oh, blarg. I know I'm from earth and not used to your martian customs yet, but I think I'm in love with your other head.
Male Voice: But what's he have that I don't have?
Male Voice #2: Uh, I'm right here.
Auggie: I'm going to my room now. Riley, are you coming?
Riley: Yeah yeah, just gimme a sec.
Interior. Bleecker Street Subway Station
Cory: Where's the train? We're gonna be late for dinner.
Man over PA: Broken down, all trains half hour late.
Cory: Thank you.
PA: Thank you.
Cory: Maybe we can get a cab?
Topanga: Nope. Looks like we're gonna have to miss our carriage ride.
Cory: No horseys? But it's our "nanoversary." We've been married fifteen years. That's the longest anyone has ever been married to a Topanga. I wanted to give you a night of romance and music. That's really very good.
Herbie Hancock: I appreciate it.
Cory: You should consider doing this for a living.
Herbie Hancock: Thank you for changing my life.
Topanga: It's really a beautiful song. What do you call it?
Herbie Hancock: What's your name? - Topanga.
Cory: My name's Cory.
Herbie Hancock: I'm calling it "Topanga."
Topanga: Thank you.
Interior. The Matthews' House
Female Voice: Oh, blarg's other head, if only we could run off together, without - You know -
Male Voice: Actually, there is a way.
Women Voice: What is it?!
Riley & Maya: What is it? No!
Auggie: No more TV!
Riley: Auggie, we were watching that.
Maya: Give it back, runt!
Auggie: You're a runt! And you're the worst babysitter in the world! You shouldn't watch TV when you babysit your brother!
Riley: Auggie, where are you going with that?
Auggie: I'm going to throw it out the window!
Riley: You wouldn't dare.
Auggie: I will do it! I will do it, lady!
Interior. Bleecker Street Subway Station.
Topanga: Aww, look at those two. You think it's their "nanoversary"? Think she kissed him up against the lockers while they were handcuffed together?
Cory: Heh, well, that would make them a very exciting couple.
Topanga: Oh, they are. And then she proposed to him.
Cory: At their graduation.
Topanga in flashback: Will you marry me?
Cory: And he was very smart and said yes. And they lived happily ever after. Until their fifteenth anniversary.
Topanga: When the subway didn't come.
Cory: Except good things come when you least expect it. Like maybe I got that bracelet you had your eye on in my pocket.
Topanga: Really?
Cory: No. Ring made of candy.
Topanga: Cory?
Cory: Topanga Matthews, will you marry me again?
Topanga: Anytime you want. Mmm! Mmm! Blue raspberry! Oh, thank you, thank you.
Cory: Thank you.
Topanga: Who needs a play? We're in our own.
Cory: The only thing we didn't get was horse-drawn carriage. Excuse me. Um, it's our anniversary and we're weird. Could I borrow your horsey for a minute? Thank you. M'lady?
Topanga: Don't mind if I do. Ho! Okay okay! Okay!
Cory: Thank you.
Topanga: Thank you. There's only one thing that could make this night better.
Cory: You miss the kids?
Topanga: I do.
Cory: I do too. Let's go home and spy on 'em!
Topanga: Shouldn't we trust Riley and Auggie that nothing will go wrong?
Cory: Let's go home and spy on the kids!
Interior. The Matthews' House
Auggie: You're the worst babysitter in the world!
Riley: You're the worst baby in the world!
Cory: So we jump in now?
Topanga: No, we have faith that she's gonna handle this like a mature adult, like we are.
Maya: You turned it off at the best part. Easy there, put the remote down nice and easy - and nobody gets hurt, buddy.
Auggie: You're not my buddy. You shouldn't even be here.
Riley: Auggie, what's the matter with you?
Auggie: You're what's the matter with me. You know what, Maya? You can have Riley. She'd rather be with you anyway. She's your sister now.
Riley: Auggie!
Auggie: This is the worst night ever!
Interior. Auggie's Bedroom
Cory: Hi, buddy.
Topanga: Having fun?
Auggie: Are you home? Why are you not fixing this?
Cory: Because, Auggie, Riley wants responsibility. And it's important to let her try.
Auggie: She has failed.
Topanga: We believe that she won't fail.
Auggie: Too late. Go yell at her.
Cory: You're really mad at her, huh?

I gave her to Maya, because she's bad babysitter Riley. I know that doesn't rhyme, but I'm just so mad!

Cory: Auggie, it may seem bad right now, but I'll make you a bet you're gonna want her back.
Auggie: Fine. You lose, you make me a brother.
Cory: Deal.
Topanga: Hold on. First we're gonna give her the opportunity to be a good babysitter, okay?
Cory: Then brother?
Auggie: Brother anyway.
Interior. Riley's Bedroom
Riley: Now we'll never know if Ashley the astronaut ends up with Blarg or Blarg's other head.
Maya: Gee, if only something existed where we could type in a few words and-
Riley: It's not the same! We were really looking forward to this night and Auggie ruined it.
Maya: I think Auggie could say the same thing about me, Riley. He just wanted to spend time with you. You're really lucky to have that.
Riley: I know. It's like we don't pay attention to the people who really care about us.
Farkle: Ladies!
Maya: Get lost, Farkle, we can't pay attention to you right now.
Farkle: But I feel like when we don't have school I'm not even part of the story.
Riley: There's someone who really cares about me, and I'm not letting him know that I care about him too.
Farkle: Ooh, maybe I am part of the story.
Riley: And I really love the little guy. And all he wanted to do was show me his room.
Farkle: How did you know?
Riley: I gotta go talk to Auggie.
Farkle: Well well, alone at last.
Maya: Yes, you are.
Farkle: You know where to find me.
Interior. The Matthews' House
Auggie: Okay, Mr. Googly. You're my sister now.
Riley: But don't you want to give Riley one more chance?
Auggie: No, it's you and me! Oh, it's you.
Riley: I went into your room looking for you. I saw what you did. I'm so sorry.
Auggie: It could've been the best night ever.
Riley: Maybe it still can be.
Auggie: How?
Interior. Auggie's Bedroom
Maya: Arrgh!
Auggie: How did you do this?!
Maya: Demolition. Open late tonight and I have no curfew at all. Now, where's all your treasure, matey?
Auggie: We're being boarded by blondebeard!
Maya: Oh! Thanks for letting me stick around tonight, Auggie.
Auggie: You're not such a bad pirate.
Riley: So, can we keep her? Yeah.
Auggie: But you and me are brother and sister again.
Maya: Then who am I?
Auggie: You're the one who walks the plank!
Maya: I can't swim!
Auggie: You win.
Cory: No brother?
Auggie: No. I'm the brother.
Maya: Ha!
Auggie: Ha! Ha!
Cory: Best anniversary night ever.
Topanga: You, me and the kids.
Farkle: And Farkle.
Cory: Do it.
Topanga: It's beautiful!
Interior. The Matthews' House
Riley: Smells good.
Maya: What are we having?
Cory: Cory's breakfast special scrambled eggs!
Riley: Seriously? You cooked the entire McScrambleface family?
Cory: Yeah. Yum yum. Eat 'em up.
Riley: That was Amanda's best friend. She used to come in through her bedroom window every night, and they'd talk for hours.
Cory: Okay.
Riley: That was mama McScrambleface. She used to look wow.
Auggie: Who'd I get?
Riley: You got baby brother McScrambleface. He was my favorite.
Auggie: You monster.
Cory: Out for pancakes?
All: [cheers]

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