The following is the transcript for Girl Meets Semi-Formal.

Interior. John Quincy Adams Middle School. Riley and Maya are at their lockers.
Riley: It's this weekend. Lucas hasn't asked me to the semi-formal. We're Riley and Lucas, aren't we, Maya?
Maya: I don't know anymore. Just tell me what to say.
Riley: It's all over the front of my notebook. "Riley hearts Lucas 4-ever."
Maya: What's on the back on your notebook?
Riley: "Riley and Lucas, we're just friends."
Maya: Sweetie, what are you doing to yourself?
Riley: It's this weekend, and Lucas hasn't asked me to the semi-formal.
Maya: Told ya. You got a problem.
Riley: You did? Have I brought this up before? It's 10 months away, why hasn't Lucas asked me to the semi-formal?
Cory: Aah!
Maya: There's nothing but time. He doesn't ask you by the week before, I'll look at you like this, and say, "you got a problem." Stop planning your life so far in advance.
Riley: I'm not. When the time comes, I want my ashes scattered over Lucas. Is it Lucas?
Maya: Yeah, I know.
Riley: It's five months away, why hasn't Lucas asked me to the semi-formal?
Maya: Duh, da-da, da-da, duh.
Cory: Aah!
Maya: There's nothing but time. He doesn't ask you by the week before, I'll look at you like this, and say, "you got a problem."
Riley: You know, you look at me like that a lot.
Riley: Well, you got a lot of problems.
Maya: I do.
Maya: Yes, Riley, you've had problems before, but you haven't had a Lucas problem until now.
Cory: Aah!
Riley: Why does he keep doing that?
Maya: Lockers, blackboard. Chalk, chalk dust. Your daddy.
Riley: How long you gonna keep doing it?
Maya: Till he comes out. Okay, I'm done!
Theme song.
Interior. John Quincy Adams Middle School. Cory is teaching the class.
Cory: Semi-formal coming up. Young men and young women interacting. Mixing in a social situation. So, to avoid any casualties, I thought we could discuss etiquette. Can anyone here tell me what etiquette is? No, you can't.
Farkle: Etiquette is treating people politely and with respect. Maya and I will demonstrate in a short play we put on before every dance. It's called, "no." Miss hart, would you do me the great honor of accompanying me to the semi-formal festivities?
Maya: No.
Both: Etiquette. Thank you.
Farkle: We'll see you at the holidays for "a Christmas no."
Cory: Okay, so The school board sent me this film. It's called, "he asked me, he asked me, he really asked me."
Lucas: This is supposed to teach us how to act at the dance?
Cory: They sent it. I'm showing it. You're animals.
Riley: Oh, there's a dance, and you're planning to attend this dance that you never mentioned in my general vicinity, that dance?
Lucas: Actually, I wanna talk to you about that-
Riley: Go on.
Cory: Psst. Talk after class.
Riley: Have you no sense of anything?
Cory: Nope. Let's watch. Oh, what's this here? Well, enjoy the old-time picture show.
Narrator: Well, if it isn't our old friend, Billy. Last time we saw you, Billy, you were teaching us that our bodies go through strange and horrifying changes. Uck. But today, we're here to talk about the biggest night in a young person's life. The semi-formal. Billy's been looking forward to it all year. Isn't that right, Billy? Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, Billy. Because you know who hangs out at dances? Your old friends polio, typhoid, and the devil.
Billy: He's mean.
Narrator: Now, let's meet your best gal, Sally, who, since you're a gentleman, you asked to the dance at least 10 months in advance.
Riley: Billy gets it.
Maya: Billy's dead, and all of his friends are dead too. Except one. No, wait, now he's dead too.
Farkle: It does seem like relationships are a little more complex now than they were in the 1950s.
Riley: I just wanna be asked to the dance.
Farkle: You wanna go to the dance?
Riley: No.
Farkle: Oh, you've seen my play.
Narrator: Meet Sally. She's a good girl. Sally's dreaming of her handsome prince sweeping her off her feet. Did he ask you, Sally?

He asked me, he asked me! He really asked me!

Riley: You and me, Sally. Front of the notebook, baby.
Narrator: Because everybody knows the semi-formal is the dance that determines the rest of your life.
Sally: Oh, there's nothing like a beautiful gown that makes you feel like you're in a beautiful gown.
Maya: How you enjoying the picture show, Sally?
Riley: Life is so much simpler in black and white.
Narrator: Look how Billy holds the door open for Sally so she won't develop unsightly arm muscles. Now that's etiquette.
Cory: Yikes. Okay. So, can anyone here tell me if they possibly learned anything from that?
Riley: Yes. Time to make some choices, Billy. Simple enough for you, Billy?
Interior. The Matthew's house.
Eric: Stand aside, underpants.
Cory: Underpants?
Eric: You're the brother of a senator now. Security issues. That's your codename.
Cory: Underpants!
Eric: Yeah. As a new senator, I need protection. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, there's a lot of people out there that'd like to do me harm.
Cory: And in here.
Eric: Plus, ever since I was elected, some guy's been stalking me. He's there. Oh, he's walking through the oorway-day.
Agent Lachance: Agent Lachance, sir. Secret service. I'm assigned to senator Matthews' security detail.
Eric: Wait, you are? Why didn't you tell me?
Agent Lachance: I've told you several times, senator. I keep saying "secret service," you keep saying, "I'll have the hummus."
Eric: And I never got my hummus.
Agent Lachance: I'm not room service, I'm secret service.
Eric: I haven't eaten in three days!
Cory: I'm sorry you got stuck with him.
Agent Lachance: Actually, he's the smartest senator I've ever worked with. Ask him why he's here Underpants.
Cory: I'll play along. Why are you here?
Eric: Senate resolution 328-17 awards a multi-billion dollar natural gas pipeline to either the good company or the evil one. I'm in town to meet with the guy from the evil company. He's going to try to buy my vote.
Cory: Can you be bought?
Eric: I don't know.
Cory: Eric, is that even connected to anything?
Eric: This? No, this is candy. It's not the candy one! It's not the candy one!

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