Interior. Matthews' apartment. Topanga is preparing breakfast.
Cory: (Enters, with shaving cream on his face) Hey, honey, what's for breakfast?
Auggie: (Enters, with shaving cream on his face) Hey, honey, what's for breakfast?
Topanga: Aw, it looks like Auggie's trying to be Daddy's little man.
Auggie: Yes, so come over here and give Papa a smooch.
Cory: Oh yeah, come over here and give Papa a smooch.
Topanga: No, I am in the middle of a case, I have to be at the courthouse early and I really can't have shaving cream... (Auggie and Cory get shaving cream on Topanga's cheeks) All over my face.
Auggie: Nice job.
Cory: (Shakes hands with Auggie) Pleasure doing business with you. (Him and Auggie wipe the shaving cream off of their faces)
Maya: (Intercom buzzes) Maya.
Farkle: Farkle.
Riley: (Enters, and points to the intercom) Those are my friends. (Hops down a step) I love my friends. (Hops down a step) It's a sunny day. (Walks over to the intercom) I love a sunny day. I love my friends. (Intercom buzzes) I love my family. I love a sunny day. (Hugs Cory) I even love going to school. (Sits down)
Cory: Okay, what's going on with her?
Topanga: I don't know. Don't do anything.
Riley: I'm in a good mood. (Snaps her fingers) This life thing? I think I got it down.
Maya and Farkle: (Enters)
Topanga: Maya, oatmeal.
Maya: No thanks, Mrs. Matthews.
Topanga: Oh, I wasn't asking.
Maya: Yeow. (Walks over to the table)
Topanga: Farkle, you too.
Farkle: (Closes the door) Thank you. But my mother already made me eggs, home fries, wheat toast, marmalade and a strawberry shaped like a star.
Auggie: I'm going to the Farkle's. Who's with me?!
Topanga: Sit down. Eat it, please.
Auggie: But it's still this. (Gestures to the oatmeal)
Cory: Hey, Auggie, guess what? It's Googly time.
Topanga: No TV at the table.
Cory: You're right, Topanga. This table is about the discussion of today's events only. Riley.
Riley: I woke up. I love everything. I sat here.
Cory: All caught up. Googly time! (Turns on the TV)
All (Except Auggie): (In unison, and with TV) Here comes Mr. Googly and his foogly boogly friends.
Auggie: (Turns off TV)
All (Except Auggie): (In unison) Hey!
Auggie: I'm too old for Mr. Googly. (Walks over to the couch)
Topanga: What? (Follows Auggie)
Cory: But, Auggie, Mr. Googly's your best friend.
Topanga: (Picks up a Mr. Googly doll, and pretends to be it) Auggie, I'm your foogly boogly best friend.
Auggie: (To Mr. Googly) Can I tell you a secret?
Topanga: (Pretending to be the Mr. Googly doll) Of course. You can tell Mr. Googly all your secrets.
Auggie: (To Mr. Googly) I have a new best friend now.
Topanga: (Pretending to be the Mr. Googly doll) Oh really? Who would that be?
Auggie: (To Mr. Googly) I don't wanna tell you who she is.
All (Except Auggie and Topanga): (In unison) She?
Auggie: (To Mr. Googly) I've said too much.
Topanga: Okay, why don't you tell Mr. Googly all about your new best friend and none of us will listen. (Riley, Maya, Farkle, Cory and Topanga look away)
Auggie: I'm (Holds up five fingers) this many. I'm done with you now. Goodbye. (Puts the doll on the couch)
Riley: They grow up so fast.
Title sequence. Then: Interior. John Quincy Adams Middle School hallway. Riley and Maya enter.
Riley: I was so worried about this new school year. New school, new people, I didn't think I was going to survive. Not only am I surviving, I'm thriving. I'm like a plant going like this (Does an awkward pose) What was I so worried about?
Maya: (Looks into the classroom and sees Missy flirting with Lucas, then covers Riley's eyes)
Riley: What are you doing? Oh, this is too easy. It's Maya. I know because I saw you put your hand over my face. I'll do you now. (Goes to cover Maya's eyes)
Maya: Oh, that's not the game.
Riley: What's the game?
Maya: The game is protect the plant from the bulldozer in the pink sweater.
Riley: Oh, Maya, bulldozers don't wear pink... (Looks into the classroom and sees Missy flirting with Lucas) Huh. (Walks away from the door)
Maya: You okay?
Riley: Yeah. (Slides down until she's sitting)
Maya: (Slides down next to Riley) Oh, look what the bulldozer did to you.
Riley: There are other girls, in this world.
Maya: There are.
Riley: And other girls, like Missy Bradford, are going to talk to Lucas.
Maya: They are.
Riley: I don't like that.
Maya: I know.
Riley: I wish the world was just me and you.
Maya: Then it is. (Cuts to Cory teaching his class)
Cory: Sneak attack. December 7th, 1941.
Farkle: A date which will live in infamy.
Riley: A date? They're going on a date? In Italy?
Maya: (To Riley) No, honey. You're in History.
Riley: I'm history?
Maya: Okay, put your hand up. (Lifts Riley's arm)
Cory: Yes, Riley? You have a pertinent observation on the subject of the sneak attack?
Maya: "May I be excused?"
Riley: My eyes see my shoes. (Maya looks at Cory and points at Missy and Lucas)
Cory: Yes, Riley, you may be excused.
Riley: Forever?
Cory: No, you have to come back to class at some point, honey. You just have to.
Riley: (Exits)
Cory: It was another sunny day in paradise, before the sneak attack that changed everything.
Riley: (Peeks out from the window, and spies on Missy and Lucas)
Missy: Do you like the movies? Dark at the movies.
Lucas: Depends on the movie. Depends who I'm going with.
Missy: Scary movies? I get scared at scary movies. You'll take care of me though, right?
Riley: (Presses her nose up against the glass)
Cory: People who had viewed themselves as safe, no longer had any security at all.
Lucas: Just you and me, Missy?
Missy: Just you and me, Lucas. (Taps Lucas's nose) Boop.
Riley: (Enters the classroom) Boop? That's the best you got?
Maya: Please be cool, please be cool, please be cool.
Riley: You don't think that I can do boop?
Maya: (To Farkle) How bad do you think this is gonna be?
Farkle: I think we should have some faith in our Riley.
Riley: I can do boop like you've never seen. Boop! (Turns to Lucas to tap his nose, but accidentally sticks her finger in his nose) Does anybody see this?
Missy: Everybody sees this.
Maya: (To Riley) Take your finger out!
Riley: Can't. Can't move. Scared. (Pauses) Do you think Lucas knows?
Maya: Riley, I've never seen anything like this before, I don't know what's gonna happen.
Riley: Farkle?
Farkle: Boy, Riley. I don't think I could do that even if I tried. (Stands up) Hey, Maya, boop. Oh no.
Cory: The bombing of Pearl Harbor was our official entrance into a world at war, and nothing would ever be the same.
Interior. John Quincy Adams Middle School hallway. Riley is hiding in a locker.
Farkle: You want me to bring you lunch?
Riley: No. Food would only keep me alive.
Maya: Come on, little plant, come back into the sun.
Riley: I'm afraid something terrible will happen if I ever come out of here.
Maya: Riley, that's crazy. Nothing could be worse than what's already happened. (Laughs)
Missy: (Enters) Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you. You're not upset with me, are you? Because I didn't hear that you and Lucas were together or anything.
Riley: We're not.
Missy: Hmm, yeah, that's what I thought. So if you're not, then it's not a problem if I ask Lucas out, because he's really cute. Don't you think?
Maya: I loathe you.
Missy: Well, Lucas doesn't. In fact, I think he's kind of into me. Shocker. (Exits)
Riley: I live here now.
Interior. Matthews' apartment. Auggie enters, with Topanga following close behind.
Topanga: (running) Come on! P.J. time!
Auggie: (running) No, thank you!
Topanga: (running) Oh, come on, what's tonight's thing?
Auggie: (running) No more P.J.s!
Topanga: (running) But they have Mr. Googly on them! (Holds up the P.J.s)
Auggie: (running) I can't wear those anymore! (Sits down on the couch)
Topanga: (sits down with Auggie) Why not?
Auggie: Because she won't like them.
Topanga: Hey, I'm the only 'she' who gets to see you in your pajamas.
Auggie: You never know.
Cory: (Walks over to Auggie and Topanga) Auggie? Do us a favor and don't grow up so fast, okay?
Auggie: I need to. I need to grow up and go to bed like Daddy does.
Topanga: (Laughs) How does Daddy go to bed?
Auggie: Like this. (Flops on the couch) Ho, mama!
Cory: I don't do that.
Auggie: Yeah, you do.
Topanga: Every night.
Cory: Yeah, but I do it better than that.
Topanga: If you say so.
Cory: Auggie, can I at least have my good-night kiss? Okay?
Auggie: We're not going to do that anymore.
Topanga: (To Cory) It's tonight's thing.
Auggie: Kissing's for babies. Men shake hands. (Shakes hands with Cory) Good night, Father. (Shakes hands with Topanga) Good night, Mother.
Cory: What's happening?
Topanga: Don't take it personally, Cory. He thinks he's being an adult.
Cory: How can he be an adult? I'm not an adult! Auggie, please, take Mr. Googly, okay? (hands Mr. Googly to Auggie)
Auggie: Goodbye. (Auggie drops Mr. Googly on the floor and exits)
Interior. Riley's bedroom. Riley and Maya are sitting on the window ledge.
Riley: I think of this as a personal challenge issued by Missy Bradford to grow up, and to grow up fast. So what do I do?
Maya: Nothing.
Riley: Give me advice. You're a genius at this. Grow me up.
Maya: Why?
Riley: Because everybody else is.
Maya: That's not the way I see it.
Riley: How can you see it any other way?
Maya: Missy Bradford has decided to grow up fast. That has nothing to do with you.
Riley: But what if Lucas takes her to a scary movie? "I get scared at scary movies. You'll take care of me, won't you?" Barf! Barf, I say!
Maya: Riley, do you want Lucas to take you to the movies?
Riley: Alone? I don't know if I'm ready for that.
Maya: Then what do you want from him?
Riley: I don't know. I just, I don't want him with her. Am I jealous?
Maya: You wouldn't know how to be jealous.
Riley: I just, I don't want him taken away from us. She's bad news. Teach me how to flirt. (Attempts to flirt)
Maya: Not gonna do that.
Riley: Why not?
Maya: I don't even know how to flirt. Who our age knows how to flirt?
Farkle: (Pops up from the window) Hello, ladies. (Enters)
Riley: Farkle, you were out there?
Farkle: I'm always out there.
Riley: Farkle, you're the biggest flirt in seventh grade.
Farkle: Why, thank you.
Riley: Can you teach me how to flirt with Lucas?
Farkle: I would do whatever you asked me.
Maya: But I thought you loved her.
Farkle: I love both of you. I want you happy.
Interior. John Quincy Adams Middle School cafeteria. Riley and Maya are sitting at a table.
Riley: So you think he'll sit with us or her?
Maya: I try not to worry about things I have no control over.
Riley: Really? Because that's all I do.
Farkle: (Enters) Hey, can I sit with you guys?
Riley: You better.
Farkle: So you think he'll sit with us, or her?
Lucas: (Enters) Hey, what's up? Is there a seat with you guys?
Riley: Always room for you, buddy. (To Maya and Farkle) I said "buddy" I'm not helping myself, am I?
Missy: (Enters) Well, you know, I was just thinking that if you and I are going to the movies together, I should find out what kind of snacks you like so I could buy some for you. (Walks Lucas over to another table) Because, I wouldn't want you paying for everything.
Farkle: You're toast.
Riley: I know.
Maya: Are you saying she flirts better than you?
Farkle: Oh, nobody's better than Farkle. I just don't think my young protege is ready for that monster.
Maya: So what are you gonna do, genius?
Farkle: I think I'll just steal her from Lucas myself.
Riley: You would do that for me?
Farkle: Well, I'm certainly not doing it for me, toots. She's evil. If I'm not back in two minutes, she ate me. How's my hair?
Maya: Hasn't changed in six years.
Farkle: She doesn't stand a chance. (Walks over to Missy) Hello, lady.
Missy: Farkle.
Farkle: Why go to the movies with a boy when you can go with a, (Lays his leg on the table and pulls up the pant leg) man? Enjoy.
Missy: Wow, look at you. You're next.
Farkle: It worked. I'm next.
Maya: Riley, she's too good. You can't compete with her.
Riley: I don't want them together. I don't. (Walks over to Lucas and Missy)
Maya: Riley?
Riley: Lucas.
Lucas: Riley.
Riley: I don't know what's going on here and I don't have any right to say this, but I don't think you should hang out alone with this girl.
Lucas: Why not?
Riley: I don't really know, but I think, if you actually spend time with her alone it's gonna change things for you know, all of us.
Missy: Well, aren't you just a concerned friend?
Riley: Yeah, I am.
Missy: Well, with you around, how could I ever possibly get Lucas alone? (Throws potatoes on Lucas' and her face) Food fight!
Lucas: Hey!
Cory: (Walks over) No food fight! Detention this afternoon, both of you!
Missy: Oh no. Both of us. Alone.
Interior. John Quincy Adams Middle School History classroom. Riley and Cory are talking.
Riley: How could you do that, Dad?
Cory: What did I do?
Riley: You gave them detention together.
Cory: I was the cafeteria monitor. I saw potatoes not where potatoes are supposed to be. Detention him, detention her.
Riley: But Lucas didn't even do anything.
Cory: Don't care. I'm mad with power.
Riley: Then I want detention too.
Cory: You do? Riley, you've never had detention in your whole life. What could you possibly do that would get you detention on such short notice?
Riley: I could introduce you to my special guest star. (Gestures to the door)
Cory: Uh-oh.
Maya: (Enters, and jumps on Cory's back) Nothing personal, bub.
Cory: (Sputters gibberish) Yeah, that'll do it. (Maya hops off his back) Nice job.
Maya: (Shakes Cory's hand) Pleasure doing business with you.
Interior. Matthews' apartment. Auggie approaches Topanga, who is in the family room.
Topanga: Oh my gosh, look at you!
Auggie: How's my breath? (Exhales)
Topanga: Ooh, like flowers. How'd you do that?
Auggie: I ate your flowers. (Pauses) Mommy?
Topanga: Yeah?
Auggie: You're an older woman, right?
Topanga: Okay, where's this going?
Auggie: I have an older woman coming over. Her name is Ava, she likes cheese and I'm in love with her.
Topanga: Really? Where is Ava from?
Auggie: She's from down the hall. Do you think you could find some cheese and make yourself scarce? (Doorbell rings) Too late. She's here. (Stutters)
Topanga: Okay, okay, okay, calm down. Women like it when you're calm. Just take a deep breath, okay? And then open the door. I can't wait to meet your older woman. (Auggie opens the door)
Ava: (Enters) Hi, Auggie!
Auggie: Hi, Ava. This is my mommy.
Topanga: It's so nice to meet you, Ava.
Ava: You got cheese? I like cheese.
Topanga: So I've heard. So, um, Ava? How old are you?
Ava: I'm (Holds up six fingers) this many.
Topanga: I see. Older woman.
Ava: Yeah, because Auggie's (Holds up five fingers) this many.
Topanga: Yeah, but you like him anyway, right?
Ava: Yeah.
Topanga: How come?
Ava: Because (Holds up six fingers) this many tells (Holds up five fingers) this many what to do.
Topanga: What?
Auggie: I'm okay with it, Mom.
Topanga: Really? Because I have some thoughts.
Ava: Is that a Mr. Googly? (Points at Auggie's Mr. Googly doll)
Auggie: No.
Ava: I think it is. (Holds up the Mr. Googly doll)
Auggie: It's not mine. I'm too old for it.
Ava: I want it!
Auggie: What? Ava, why would you want a Mr. Googly? You're (Holds up six fingers) this many.
Ava: I love Mr. Googly. I'm taking him.
Auggie: But you're all grown up.
Ava: I don't care. He's mine now.
Topanga: (Laughs) Actually, Ava, what you're gonna do is give Mr. Googly back to Auggie.
Ava: Why would I do that?
Topanga: Because I'm (Holds up ten fingers thrice) this many and (Holds up ten fingers thrice) this many gets to tell (Holds up six fingers) this many what to do. (Auggie takes back his Mr. Googly doll) Do you like rides?
Ava: Yeah.
Topanga: Oh, great! (Picks up Ava) Let's take a ride all the way back to your house!
Ava: Bye-bye, Auggie!
Auggie: Bye-bye, Ava.
Topanga: (Puts Ava down in the hallway) Okay, bye-bye, Ava.
Ava: Bye! (Exits)
Topanga: Bye. (Closes door)
Auggie: So, what'd you think of her?
Interior. John Quincy Adams Middle School History classroom. Missy and Lucas Enter.
Riley: How you doin'?
Missy: What are you doing here?
Riley: Oh, I'm a bad girl.
Maya: Yeah, (Points at Riley) you don't wanna mess with this one.
Missy: (Picks up Maya's placecard) What are these, placecards?
Riley: Yup, I made them. (Points at back corner) You sit over there.

Transcribed by Alexiithymiia

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